What has God ever done for me? I’ve never killed anyone. I’ve never raped anyone. I’ve never robbed a bank or stolen a car. Yeah – I’ve hurt a few people, but they hurt me first! They deserve what they got!
You’ve hurt me, God, from the day I was born. I had no father or mother to raise me. I went from foster home to foster home as though I was just a cheap piece of rubbish. No one ever really loved me. Sandy was the only one who ever really loved me, and you let her get cancer and die on me. God, I hate you so much.
You even let Molly get ran over by a car. Remember that, God? Molly was my friend’s pet dog, and Molly loved me more than she loved Sam, her owner. Molly would come over and beg me to pet her and play with her. She was the only one I could really talk to. She was the only one I could really trust. She never turned her back on me like everyone else has. And you let her get run over God. You took my only true friend, and I hate you for that too!
Remember that time my mom called me and asked if I would meet her at that restaurant? She wanted to see what I looked like all grown up. I waited there at that restaurant, God, but mom never showed up. She never ever even called back to tell me what happened. I prayed and asked you to have her call me and tell me why she never showed up, but you wouldn’t even have her do that!
Sandy and me were good together, God. She had been hurt her whole life just like me. She understood me, and I understood her. We had plans to marry as soon as we could get some money together. When I held her in my arms, I felt like nothing else in the world mattered. My hurt would go away and her’s would go away too. You took that away from me God, and I’ll hate you forever for taking her away from me. Why did you have to let her die?
I used to dream that she would come to me at night. I swear I could hear her in my room sometimes, calling my name, after she died. I prayed and asked you to let me see her, but you wouldn’t even let me see her, even though I begged you to. I could feel her there sometimes … I know she was there beside me – but you wouldn’t let me see her. You are so cruel, God.
Look at the mess this world is in? People killing people over nothing. People strung out on drugs and killing each other for it. What kind of God are you to make people do things like this? Babies starving in other countries and disease is killing people like no tomorrow. People killing people because of their hatred over religious beliefs and people blowing themselves up thinking that you are going to reward them in heaven for it? This is crazy, God, and I think you are crazy too. You’re crazy, God, that’s what you are – mad crazy!
And remember that time I went into that church to talk to you? I really wanted to know if you really are real, or people just believe in you because they need something to believe in. I gave you a chance to prove to me that you are real, and nothing happened. I even got down on my knees and asked you to somehow show me you are real, and nothing happened. Nothing! I don’t think you are real, even. If you were, you would answer me right now. Are you a coward, God, or just think you’re too important to let me know you are real or not?
Yet I want you to be real so you can know how much I hurt. I want you to hurt just like I hurt. I want you to hurt worse! I don’t deserve to hurt this way. Why did you let me be born in the first place? Just to hurt like this? You are so cruel and mean.
Religious nuts say you died on a cross for my sins. They claim you even rose again and went to heaven after you died. Well, if that is so, why didn’t you let Sandy come back to life? Those religious nuts claim you healed people before you died – why didn’t you heal Sandy before she died? She asked you to heal her, but you didn’t. I don’t think you healed nobody. I don’t think you even died. I don’t think you even existed. You’re just a fairytale lie some religious nuts have come up with so they can get money out of poor people. That’s what I think.
So you going to send me to hell for hating you, God? How can hell be any worse than the hell I’ve lived my whole life? I don’t want to live anymore, God. I want to get it all over with because I’m tired of hurting. I’m tired of the pain. I want you to hurt like I’m hurting God. You don’t even care if I hurt, do you God?
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